Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
