Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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