i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
