So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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