my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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