my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that