I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Well I just put wine in my tea
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.