see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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