Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
