I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
