Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
