Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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