when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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