life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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