i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
