Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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