Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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