the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
