My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
