omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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