Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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