My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
