I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just found a bag of teeth...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
