I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
ttyl tear gas
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
