I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
