I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
