Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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