I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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