I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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