I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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