Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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