I think scott just propositioned me for sex
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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