I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
