The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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