OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
