Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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