Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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