In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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