I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
