singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
