what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
