I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
pray to the hookup gods
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
