sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
