this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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