Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
