Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
