Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
