All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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