The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
