The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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