thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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