Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
