my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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