he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
