I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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