He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
