there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
