my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
