dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
