Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
