It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
