Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
