I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Randomize
