I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
