dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
