i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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