we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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