i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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