dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
