i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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