You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
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We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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