so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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