how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
