i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
