The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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