so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
