Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
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We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
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We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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