beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
