we have officially lost it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
