apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
