my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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