Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
