Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
