I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize