I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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